Revise application essay (personal statement) to graduate school

Revise application essay (personal statement) to graduate school.

I’m studying for my Application Writing class and don’t understand how to answer this. Can you help me study?
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This essay is a personal statement for me to apply to graduate school, and it is focused on Statistics and Data analysis. Please help me to revise the logic, grammar, structure (something that I may not express clearly), and add some deep ideas that you think may help me apply the graduate school. Please use another color to revise!! Thank you!!

Revise application essay (personal statement) to graduate school

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